By Tressie

The child who made us mothers holds a sacred place in every mother’s heart.

I remember being pregnant with my daughter—pouring over parenting books, reading about newborn care, and planning for the perfect childhood I wanted to give her. Her nursery was yellow and pink, filled with flowers and Winnie the Pooh. I washed and rewashed her tiny clothes so many times they no longer looked new. I was terrified of pesticides or harsh chemicals touching her delicate skin.

Then, this sweet child was finally in my arms, and I felt the full weight of her future resting in my hands. I vowed to be the “perfect” mother. I thought I had to do everything—and do it all flawlessly.

The day after she was born, I squeezed myself into jeans, determined to be active and attentive. I rocked her, walked with her, and sang to her all day during our hospital stay. When we brought her home, everything suddenly felt like a potential danger. I had my husband install new smoke detectors and carbon monoxide alarms. I followed every safe sleep recommendation to the letter. I was so determined to be perfect, I pushed myself beyond my limits.

I wasn’t sleeping. My baby would only sleep in my arms, and I was terrified of falling asleep while holding her. I’d set alarms every 10 minutes to check on her in her bassinet—convinced I could save her if something happened.

This routine went on until I became so sleep-deprived that I started hallucinating. One night, I thought there was an earthquake. I grabbed my daughter, placed her in her car seat, and sat in the hallway crying, shielding her from something that wasn’t even happening. When my husband found me, he looked at me with confusion and concern.

A few weeks later, I visited my husband at work. A woman there—who felt like family—looked at me and gently asked, “Are you sleeping?” I casually told her about my alarm system, like it was normal. She placed her hand on my arm and said words I’ll never forget:

“Tressie, that’s not normal. You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

I brushed it off. But eventually, the exhaustion caught up to me. I fell asleep deeply one night and didn’t hear my alarm. Hours later, I woke in a panic—my baby wasn’t in her bassinet. I ran through the house, ready to call 911, until I found my husband in the kitchen, making a sandwich while chatting with our daughter in her swing.

The rage and shame I felt in that moment were overwhelming. I felt like a failure for not hearing the alarm, not fixing my husband’s dinner, and not checking on our daughter.

I broke down in ugly, angry tears and told my husband everything—how I felt like God made a mistake by choosing me to raise such a perfect, beautiful child. He put down his sandwich, wrapped me in a bear hug, and said:

“What are we going to do to make sure this never happens again? I need to know exactly how I can help.”

That’s when I began to learn the difference between surviving and thriving. I learned that being a good mother doesn’t mean doing it all. It means asking for help. It means giving yourself grace. And it means being present—not perfect.

10 Things I Wish I Knew as a First-Time Mom

1. There’s no “perfect” time to have a child. Life will always bring new challenges and shifting goals. If you wait for everything to perfectly align, you may wait forever. Pray about the timing, talk with your spouse, and trust God’s plan.
2. You don’t have to be the “perfect” parent. Remember the story of Mary and Joseph losing Jesus in Jerusalem? They lost Jesus—the Messiah—for three days! And yet God still chose them. He chooses us too, even in our flaws. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be present and faithful.
3. Asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. Looking back, I know I was experiencing severe postpartum anxiety and depression. I needed rest, sunlight, a shower, and probably therapy. Getting help isn’t giving up—it’s refueling so you can show up for your child.
4. Babies don’t judge you. They don’t care how clean your house is or how fancy their nursery looks. They just want to be fed, warm, clean, and loved. Don’t stress over perfection.
5. Babies don’t need all the stuff. When my oldest was born, I spent hours at Babies “R” Us wondering how we’d afford everything. Truth is, a baby needs milk, diapers, clothes, a car seat, a blanket, and a safe place to sleep. Start simple—yard sales, thrift stores, and resale shops are gold mines.
6. Actually rest postpartum. Your body needs recovery time—especially your pelvic floor. Let visitors help. Leave a to-do list on the counter: walk the dog, do dishes, grab groceries. Stay in your PJs if you want—it sends a clear message: you’re recovering, not hosting.
7. Don’t give up your hobbies. If you love traveling, painting, dancing—keep doing those things. Just bring your baby along for the ride. They may even fall in love with the same things, giving you a shared way to bond as they grow.
8. Your children will teach you too. I’ve learned just as much from my kids as I’ve taught them. My daughter taught me how to wear my heart on my sleeve. My oldest son gave me a deeper appreciation for animals and patience. My youngest reminded me not to take life too seriously.
9. Prioritize your faith and your marriage. At the end of our lives, we can’t take our achievements or material things with us—but we can take our children. Psalm 127:4 says children are like arrows in a warrior’s hand. Raising our kids to know and live for Jesus is the single most important thing you can do as a parent. Keep Jesus at the center of your family. Go to church together, pray together, and build a marriage that reflects God’s love. It’s one of the best gifts you can give your children.
10. Slow down and take in every moment!                                                                  We’ve all had the old ladies at church or the grocery store tell  us “It goes by fast” those elderly ladies are telling the truth! That tiny baby that I remember so vividly is now 12 years old. She dreams of being a dance teacher, her own marriage, and tells me some of the things she plans on doing with her own children someday. I love this “tweenager” stage of life. I love getting a glimpse of the adult she will become. But the reality has set in that the majority of her childhood has come and gone and it went by so fast! So take those photos. Take the videos. Ask others to take pictures that include you. But most of all soak up and cherish every second…… Even the hard ones. Deeply breathe in that newborn baby smell and hold onto it forever because like the elderly ladies say “It goes by fast!”

 

From one mom to another—give yourself grace. You are exactly who your child needs.

With love,

Tressie